3.29.2008
The negativity By - CLara
As the pain in my head subsides, here comes the inevitable. My thoughts. They creep in from all angles pushing through my weak spots, doubting me, mocking me. what am i? not even worth a phone call. The image that i hand out to people is nothing more than a mask...a mask thrown on every day;faithfully. Only to come to the place i call home and die inside. Few people understand what hating your very existence is like...No. This is not only physical hatred...because your appearance can always be changed. Its something more. The hatred of your own personality. Oh how weak and affected i am by my surroundings...crawling in my room to lie on the floor and let the tears flow relentlessly. How all of my actions are uncared for...by even myself sometimes. Who cares if i were to throw myself off of a cliff. Oh how i wish i could do that very thing. Fling myself over great heights and into thrashing water. Never to surface. Its not like anyone would care much. a few tears at my burial...and thats all. A few flowers on my grave so that the shameless can go about their saturday parties cursing me for a wasted 45 minutes. Lately my tears are comforting; crying for no reason, then for all the reason in the world. i beg them please dont near me. i need no one closer because that then gives them the oppurtunity to hurt me further. I am broken. Both inside and out. With the plastic smile painted on my face and the giggles of a teen. Why do i put the charade up you ask? Because, i want them to think that people care for me. That i have love&care. that there is something more than what they see in my face. Doesnt everybody want that? My best friends? Ben and Jerry's Phish Food. My favorite place? The bathroom. Not for the reasons you might assume but because there is the place i can lock myself in and question the girl i see in the mirror...i shoot her smile with my glares and scream at her to be a BETTER PERSON!! i make her cry by flashing her my disgusted looks and then...ever so sublty, i turn to the shower. So that i could cry and they could be washed away. So that not only could i distract myself with the burning water but so that i can also mope alone and without audience. After coming out of the shower, i walk into my room and press my cheek against the cold floor. My mind begs for the stage where i might lose consciousness but all that happens is Pain. The pain in my heart takes over and mocks me. and eventually i lose myself to the negatitvity...
3.27.2008
DR?
I am going to DR for Vacay.
i've yet to visit this place of my Kin and so the idea is intriguing. What intrigues me even more is that i will be spending my lovely evenings enjoying the company of C. Not only C but D & M as well...
I must face the inevitable: M.
Ohh well...we'll see what happens. Bad.or.worse.
2MM i head out for my passport picture. So unfortunately i have to get my ass up earlier so that i cant skip the only two study periods i have and take that damn picture. If all goes well i'll leave with a Coffee&Bagel. Im looking forward to this trip more than any other. But of course im not telling M. because apparently i need to get my "priorities straight"
...
Whatever that means.
Im reading twilight over and it gets just better the more you read it...i am no Bella fan but still...her character is decent [[maybe even likable]] in the first book...2bad she turns out to be both needy and greedy within the first 100 pages of New moon...it really is a pity.
The comicon is this month.
I feel oddly guilty for not going to the last Anime meeting...even though i dont like anime. Im in the club. so yeah. felt guilty but i dont know why...maybe because i've only been to like 3 meetings. I promise myself to go to the next one so i can catch up...however i really couldnt go to the last meeting.
My mom was picking me up and if i didnt go right away i would have had to walk. && i just figured walking was highly unneccesary when my impatient mother was in a car, parked on the sidewalk. Soo J didnt seemed to pissed which is always a guhd thing....we'll just have to wayt and see what direction my mood is going from now on.
i've yet to visit this place of my Kin and so the idea is intriguing. What intrigues me even more is that i will be spending my lovely evenings enjoying the company of C. Not only C but D & M as well...
I must face the inevitable: M.
Ohh well...we'll see what happens. Bad.or.worse.
2MM i head out for my passport picture. So unfortunately i have to get my ass up earlier so that i cant skip the only two study periods i have and take that damn picture. If all goes well i'll leave with a Coffee&Bagel. Im looking forward to this trip more than any other. But of course im not telling M. because apparently i need to get my "priorities straight"
...
Whatever that means.
Im reading twilight over and it gets just better the more you read it...i am no Bella fan but still...her character is decent [[maybe even likable]] in the first book...2bad she turns out to be both needy and greedy within the first 100 pages of New moon...it really is a pity.
The comicon is this month.
I feel oddly guilty for not going to the last Anime meeting...even though i dont like anime. Im in the club. so yeah. felt guilty but i dont know why...maybe because i've only been to like 3 meetings. I promise myself to go to the next one so i can catch up...however i really couldnt go to the last meeting.
My mom was picking me up and if i didnt go right away i would have had to walk. && i just figured walking was highly unneccesary when my impatient mother was in a car, parked on the sidewalk. Soo J didnt seemed to pissed which is always a guhd thing....we'll just have to wayt and see what direction my mood is going from now on.
My Playlist
Gahh, ok people so heargoes, ever since reading Nick and Norah's infinite playlist i really started to notice how much musiqq i listen to : ALOT =P
Yeaahhh so heres my playlist for you...No particular order...there just in the order they came to mind...i'll be adding whenever i think of a new one...so
Hope you Like...
Earth Angel - The Penguins
Stand By Me - Ben E.King
Linger - The Cranberries
After all - saving abel
Frank Sinatra - Miss Kitten
Stuttering - Ben's brother
Hungry Eyes -
Do you love me
Shes like the wind
The time of my life
Everybody Hurts - R.E.M
Should i stay or should i go - The Clash
TKO - Le Tgre
MY MY Metro card - Le Tigre
Catch me im falling - Pretty Poison
I Wanna hold your hand - The beatles
Hey Jude - The Beatles
Because - The Beatles
How soon is now - Smiths
Move on up - Curtis Mayfield
Three wishes - the peirces
Wand - Flaming lips
Love train - The o'Jays
Perfect timing - Orba Squara
1,2,3,4 - Feist
Hands on me - Vanessa Carlton
Not while im around - ed sanders
Somebody to love - Queen
The Con - Tegan and Sarah
Rule the world - Take That
GAhh, more coming soon
3.21.2008
Atonement
Atonement.
By Ian McEwan
13 yr old, Briony Tallis, changes the course of several lives, in just one night, when she accuses her older sisters lover of a crime he did not commit.*
*&ThankYouIMDB.com for the quick Plot outline!! :D
Review
THE BOOK! was uhm...
OK lets start over. the book was extremely discreptive in each and every possible detail. Its really fascinating how just one measely day can make such an impact. Of course everyone realizes this one and a blue moon from now but this book really helps you understand it more. Sadly it was much more discriptive then it needed to be. Describing a simple vase to such an extent you had to wonder if a vase or something more was being described. Usually i would have taken about 2 days to finish the book but oddly it took me a week. a Whole week. My patience is little when it comes to reading. because i like to fall into the book. I feel opening a book is like opening a door to a new, different, and wonderful place. & If words are being jammed into sentences describing not the very beauty of the vase but the escence, the year, the colors, the times, the memories, of that very vase. Ones mind can drift, as i hope you will understand. Besides that one fact the book was Beautiful. It was realistic in almost every possible way. Speaking of ones interpretation of another's movements to how an outsider can interpret the most simple of movements. I would recommend it...but obviously to one who had a knack for Romances and descriptioins. Not many people...but try it anyway. I liked it. i will be reviewing the movie SHORTLY.
**RECCOMENDED!!
Sorry!
I know, i know, i know. I havent been consisten in checking in uring Blogs...bla la bla. Truth is. i've had alot going on. & believe it or not today is the last day of my vacay....well not totally i still have monday. WoopDiFriggenDoo.
Soooo. I've moved both Old Old Moee, and Old Moee to the "Those Dudes Under My Fucken Shoe" on my buddy list. ANYWAY.
Soooo C & L are on the loop. Permanently. Ohh well...we tried.
As for mee...i need a new Victim. Hmmm. I've read so many books lately..its like TMI 4 me to contain. im going to combust. But before i do so...i must right REVIEWS!!
catch up w/you babes later!
HAPPY FUCKEN FRIDAY!
(:
Soooo. I've moved both Old Old Moee, and Old Moee to the "Those Dudes Under My Fucken Shoe" on my buddy list. ANYWAY.
Soooo C & L are on the loop. Permanently. Ohh well...we tried.
As for mee...i need a new Victim. Hmmm. I've read so many books lately..its like TMI 4 me to contain. im going to combust. But before i do so...i must right REVIEWS!!
catch up w/you babes later!
HAPPY FUCKEN FRIDAY!
(:
3.02.2008
Weekends
My weekends.
Every pay weekend [[twice a month]] Peter and Gissal pick me up. But every other weekend i do something w/ my peeps from STS. I miss them alot, which is probably the reason I have pixx of them in my locker and and cant help but wear the STS uniform atleats twice a week. So i vent and this weekend C came over.
It was fun.
Friday
I pick up C at her house and so we hit up iHop b/c we're so fucken hungry & mom doesnt feel like cooking. its friday so we cant have meat but C claims God will 4give her...so there goes Lent, right down the toilet with C's unwavering faith. After we eat we head over to my school for my SO U THINK U CAN DANCE, and when i get there, a half an hr late BTW. its just starting and E and L had saved us seats. of course M's running late and i have a feeling the reason is B. Anyway, so the SO U THINK U CAN DANCE starts off w/ some corny jokes and big smiles from the Class of 08 whose running this joint. I only went b/c B2 asked me 2 go and watch his performance obviously i thought he was joking...but just in case. Automatically SO U THINK U CAN DANCE turns into SO U THINK U CANT FUCKING DANCE 4 me b/c it was a turn off...about 8 performances. Out of which 5 had to make it to the second round. B2 doesnt make it. aww poor thing. guess i'll see how hes taking it on Mon. of course round 2's like the same Fucking thing. only possible worse and of course who wins? Dance Majors/Seniors. Go Figure. And people started thinking this was Rigged!! haha. but no they deserved 1st place...i just dont think they deserved 1st, 2nd AND 3rd...come on now...there were other people in this competition.W/E. The whole time im thinking: I wasted 5$ on tickets 4 this shyt?? Ughh. I was kind of pissed that C came along w/me b/c it sucked mega ass. Anyway it was kinda cool that she g2 meet my peeps. The point? SO U THINK U CANT FUCKING DANCE sucked.
Saturday
Im still pissed about my SO U THINK U CANT FUCKING DANCE so to take my mind of that disgrace i head over to pick up C so we can hit the mall, watch a movie, and kick some buckets. Shes down, and we're out. we get a 5clock movie and head over to the food court like always. about an hr was spent on the hopes of this fat ass getting up so we could set in our ideal seats but we end up just a step away and at a nearby table. C picks up some Chinese food so i can mae sure no one snags our seats. She gets a few looks, and practically got raped by some middle ager whose into chinese food. I get one look, Yippee. Afterwards we hit the movie. we Definitely Maybe...[[Review coming soon]] and i wanted to ditch. B/C I wanted to watch Jumper, she counter offered with Hannah-Mon-Friggen-Tannah, HELL NO, and so I kind of Persuade her to watch Be Kind Rewind [[me: coooome on, it was filmed in NJ... C: YEAHH? me: yeah, in passaic. C: Friggen awesome! 2bad i dont like JackBlack me: whore.]] after that idea PLOPS she asks about some R movie i cant remember & so i head over an get the tickets 4 Definitely Maybe b/c no one can deny A. Breslin after Little Miss Sunshine. Or so i think. After the movie we head over looking 4 mom whose chillen w/Barbie and the Midgets whose sent us the most CRYPTIC TXT ever:
call me when u get out 2 lnng @ CPK w8 @ SBARRO's
WTD?? does that mean. ANYWAY turns out CPK mean California Kitchen Pizza haha. So the movie was OK me n C are not as Content as we want to be so we head over to Sbarro's to eat some Pizza & meet up w/ mom its about 8 now and we spend the next few Hours using Giftcards etc. lots of fun 2 shop.yum. I steal Crystal's gap card so i could by a 30fuggen$ bra thats real cute w/ a nice fit. afterwards we head over to my house. watch tons of recorded family guy episodes and drink a bit. after juice is gone we're stuck w/ ...well w/ NOT MUCH!
Soo...i head into the kitchen in my green plaid flannels+black tank top, fumble through the drawers 4 a few spoons, kick the cabinet open to find a jar of un opeened panut butter [[Perrrrfect!]] and steal a jug of milk from the fridge...its about 3 @ this point & so we lie our asses down after sticking in "When Harry met sally" and "Farce of the Penguins". I stab vigorously into the peanut butter and lick some off while continually chugging from my jug of milk...
Damn...Life is Fucken Fantastic
xoxo
-yur one and only...em
Every pay weekend [[twice a month]] Peter and Gissal pick me up. But every other weekend i do something w/ my peeps from STS. I miss them alot, which is probably the reason I have pixx of them in my locker and and cant help but wear the STS uniform atleats twice a week. So i vent and this weekend C came over.
It was fun.
Friday
I pick up C at her house and so we hit up iHop b/c we're so fucken hungry & mom doesnt feel like cooking. its friday so we cant have meat but C claims God will 4give her...so there goes Lent, right down the toilet with C's unwavering faith. After we eat we head over to my school for my SO U THINK U CAN DANCE, and when i get there, a half an hr late BTW. its just starting and E and L had saved us seats. of course M's running late and i have a feeling the reason is B. Anyway, so the SO U THINK U CAN DANCE starts off w/ some corny jokes and big smiles from the Class of 08 whose running this joint. I only went b/c B2 asked me 2 go and watch his performance obviously i thought he was joking...but just in case. Automatically SO U THINK U CAN DANCE turns into SO U THINK U CANT FUCKING DANCE 4 me b/c it was a turn off...about 8 performances. Out of which 5 had to make it to the second round. B2 doesnt make it. aww poor thing. guess i'll see how hes taking it on Mon. of course round 2's like the same Fucking thing. only possible worse and of course who wins? Dance Majors/Seniors. Go Figure. And people started thinking this was Rigged!! haha. but no they deserved 1st place...i just dont think they deserved 1st, 2nd AND 3rd...come on now...there were other people in this competition.W/E. The whole time im thinking: I wasted 5$ on tickets 4 this shyt?? Ughh. I was kind of pissed that C came along w/me b/c it sucked mega ass. Anyway it was kinda cool that she g2 meet my peeps. The point? SO U THINK U CANT FUCKING DANCE sucked.
Saturday
Im still pissed about my SO U THINK U CANT FUCKING DANCE so to take my mind of that disgrace i head over to pick up C so we can hit the mall, watch a movie, and kick some buckets. Shes down, and we're out. we get a 5clock movie and head over to the food court like always. about an hr was spent on the hopes of this fat ass getting up so we could set in our ideal seats but we end up just a step away and at a nearby table. C picks up some Chinese food so i can mae sure no one snags our seats. She gets a few looks, and practically got raped by some middle ager whose into chinese food. I get one look, Yippee. Afterwards we hit the movie. we Definitely Maybe...[[Review coming soon]] and i wanted to ditch. B/C I wanted to watch Jumper, she counter offered with Hannah-Mon-Friggen-Tannah, HELL NO, and so I kind of Persuade her to watch Be Kind Rewind [[me: coooome on, it was filmed in NJ... C: YEAHH? me: yeah, in passaic. C: Friggen awesome! 2bad i dont like JackBlack me: whore.]] after that idea PLOPS she asks about some R movie i cant remember & so i head over an get the tickets 4 Definitely Maybe b/c no one can deny A. Breslin after Little Miss Sunshine. Or so i think. After the movie we head over looking 4 mom whose chillen w/Barbie and the Midgets whose sent us the most CRYPTIC TXT ever:
call me when u get out 2 lnng @ CPK w8 @ SBARRO's
WTD?? does that mean. ANYWAY turns out CPK mean California Kitchen Pizza haha. So the movie was OK me n C are not as Content as we want to be so we head over to Sbarro's to eat some Pizza & meet up w/ mom its about 8 now and we spend the next few Hours using Giftcards etc. lots of fun 2 shop.yum. I steal Crystal's gap card so i could by a 30fuggen$ bra thats real cute w/ a nice fit. afterwards we head over to my house. watch tons of recorded family guy episodes and drink a bit. after juice is gone we're stuck w/ ...well w/ NOT MUCH!
Soo...i head into the kitchen in my green plaid flannels+black tank top, fumble through the drawers 4 a few spoons, kick the cabinet open to find a jar of un opeened panut butter [[Perrrrfect!]] and steal a jug of milk from the fridge...its about 3 @ this point & so we lie our asses down after sticking in "When Harry met sally" and "Farce of the Penguins". I stab vigorously into the peanut butter and lick some off while continually chugging from my jug of milk...
Damn...Life is Fucken Fantastic
xoxo
-yur one and only...em
Nets Game!
Nets VS. Magic
iZOD Center
Tuesday Feb. 26, 2008 @ 7:30 PM.
Along w/ a few fellow members of the RPHS of Arts.
Sure...we nets fans took a heavy blow, but that is besides the point. The game was cool believe it or not, I sat w/ Jasz C. from school and Ci b/c fortunately i swiped her a ticket, haha. Sure, we were in Sec. 210 Row 6 Seats 11&12, but hey, what could we do about seating arrangements? Especially, when we were invited and given 100 free tickets for participating in a competition. I routed for Marques the whole time b/c he is absoluteh-ly ahh-friggen-dorable, but more about him later, Now to begin my rant.
On the bus I sat with Jaszy Ci and Lucky...Lucky and Ci kinda eye-balled each other the whole time. She thinxx his eyes R effen sexy [[b/c they R]] and he thinks she [[in GENERAL]] is sexy, of course, while little old me was being ignored by the male species...And of course Lucky is of the older brand...but of course Ci doesnt mind. They're "talking" or w/e but im doing my best 2 make sure she does not [[i repeat, does friggen not]] get hurt...b/c if she does i will be forced to kick some ass...or get Richard to kikk some ass atleast. Lucky refuses to let his guard down which is EVER so unfortunate...b/c little does he know that he one day will want 2 kick her bucket...& she will refuse and just allow the bucket to be filled w/ boiling water that will eventually evaporate into..take a wild guess now. go on ahead. You can do it! intooo: nothingness. w/e so i need a new Moee. im doing terrible, b/c i pick terrible moee's thats just it. All my fault. I know, but what can I say...I like the naughty type.
Back to the Nets Game. It was acceptable. The beginning was boring as is the beginning of every basetball game but the middle was interesting and Marques was doing pretty damn well. He got the ball even when he was on the damn bench haha. He is so effen sexy. I want to eat him...he could be my moee..if only i had spoken to him when i had the chance.
Poor Emmm, i know.
Well, We lost by 10 points...i was dying to get on that huge board thing...but they never showed me. I did everything but flash the damn Nets, ughhh. what more do u want from me...they didnt even send me a damn Tee...well how abouot this?
LICK IT NETS! [[all except Marques...i mean u could lick it but im pretty sure u'd want to entertain me some other ways...mwhaha]]
BTW, Thxx for inviting me to a game...&then LOSING.
Niice finishing touch. waste of my beautifully organized day.
hmm, Luckys a pretty handsome guy.
iZOD Center
Tuesday Feb. 26, 2008 @ 7:30 PM.
Along w/ a few fellow members of the RPHS of Arts.
Sure...we nets fans took a heavy blow, but that is besides the point. The game was cool believe it or not, I sat w/ Jasz C. from school and Ci b/c fortunately i swiped her a ticket, haha. Sure, we were in Sec. 210 Row 6 Seats 11&12, but hey, what could we do about seating arrangements? Especially, when we were invited and given 100 free tickets for participating in a competition. I routed for Marques the whole time b/c he is absoluteh-ly ahh-friggen-dorable, but more about him later, Now to begin my rant.
On the bus I sat with Jaszy Ci and Lucky...Lucky and Ci kinda eye-balled each other the whole time. She thinxx his eyes R effen sexy [[b/c they R]] and he thinks she [[in GENERAL]] is sexy, of course, while little old me was being ignored by the male species...And of course Lucky is of the older brand...but of course Ci doesnt mind. They're "talking" or w/e but im doing my best 2 make sure she does not [[i repeat, does friggen not]] get hurt...b/c if she does i will be forced to kick some ass...or get Richard to kikk some ass atleast. Lucky refuses to let his guard down which is EVER so unfortunate...b/c little does he know that he one day will want 2 kick her bucket...& she will refuse and just allow the bucket to be filled w/ boiling water that will eventually evaporate into..take a wild guess now. go on ahead. You can do it! intooo: nothingness. w/e so i need a new Moee. im doing terrible, b/c i pick terrible moee's thats just it. All my fault. I know, but what can I say...I like the naughty type.
Back to the Nets Game. It was acceptable. The beginning was boring as is the beginning of every basetball game but the middle was interesting and Marques was doing pretty damn well. He got the ball even when he was on the damn bench haha. He is so effen sexy. I want to eat him...he could be my moee..if only i had spoken to him when i had the chance.
Poor Emmm, i know.
Well, We lost by 10 points...i was dying to get on that huge board thing...but they never showed me. I did everything but flash the damn Nets, ughhh. what more do u want from me...they didnt even send me a damn Tee...well how abouot this?
LICK IT NETS! [[all except Marques...i mean u could lick it but im pretty sure u'd want to entertain me some other ways...mwhaha]]
BTW, Thxx for inviting me to a game...&then LOSING.
Niice finishing touch. waste of my beautifully organized day.
hmm, Luckys a pretty handsome guy.
Nick and Norah's infinite playlist
Nick & Norah's Inifnite playlist.
By Rachel Cohn and David Levithan
It all starts when Nick sees an EX and asks Norah to be his 5-MIN-Girl Friend, and then with one kiss Nick and Norah start their journey through an immensely long slub scene filled night. In this one night Nick and Norah feel the sparks between them that no one else has brought on...but just as easily as they come, they get mixxed feelings and reactions. The book takes place from both Nick and Norah's points of view and has a less than 25hr time span...which is all they need, right? or was all they needed a TORRID kiss after no small talk? well find out and Read the book!
EXCELLENT Book! well written, its a must read and the POV's was worth while b/c Nick and Norah didnt have that whole we're-so-in-tuned-we're-ONE-thing going on...i mean that is so fucken cliche` right? well the book is awesome...you learn to fall in love with both characters in such a short time, and you understand how one decision can change sooo soo much! the dialogue is...remarkable [[for lack of a better word]] and i just looove the club scenes...they're not all glammed and marvelous, they're realistic AND fascinating. Musiqq takes on a major role in the book and you learn to appreciate the sounds ones soul can make...
HIGH RECCOMMENDED!!!
xoxo EM
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