Readers,

hello !
Alexis and i have celebrated 2months together..
i know, your thinking 'ONLY', right ?
ughh, i mean i've had eyes only for him since like january, gheeze, and i have nothing to show for it... oh well; i just cant wait until i finally have this 'hunka' hunka' burnen love' for atleast 6months...
ooooh, a year would be even better.
no one thinks we'll last,
haha !
we'll prove them wrong, our love is undeniable, my age has nothing to do with the feelings going on inside of my body when he comes around.
i love him, i really do.

its utterly amazing how attracted i am to him, in every way.
physically, emotionally, etc. it feels absolutely amazing, and wonderful. i've never felt so stimulated / motivated to . . .
i have no words.
i know, i know, i know.
"words only" MY blog, and i have NO words at all,
sue me, sue me now, dear friends, for false advertising.
ahh well, this waqq ass post has come to an end, i promise next time for bigger and better.

my apologies,
YB

soo im back !

from the depths of hell [ upstate o.0 ] haha and DR. 

DR was nice.. i guess i could put up pictures later right ? yeah but im kinda being lazy now. 

upstate, was terrible. and predictable. whatever. 

my mother ? same as always. terrible mood, and completely ibjective to my boyfriend, :DDDD

does it matter ?

well to him it does, and i guess she could make things difficult. its whatever. 

i am completely in a mopey mood. i want something more. dont you ever get this empty feeling that your doing nothing with the one life that your given? dont you ever feel like theres something missing.. something more you could be doing rather then the same old routine of school, friends, and drama? really is this the most i will ever get out of my childhood. well excuse me because according to the state of NJ, entering highschool makes me a "young adult". well thats just great. 

ima young adult. 

which means i have less freedom then  i did when i was 12 because apparently in some far off unheard country "young adult" means "not to be trusted" o.0

i really dont get it. 

i cant play around with barbie dolls. no silly, i am too old for that. 

yet i am not old enough to go about my business, make my own mistakes. so many things just kill me on the inside.. they really do. 

i am at a loss for the meaning of life. 

what am i doing with the precious temple i call my body ?

nothing really. moping and whining. sinking into an oblivion that no one seems to notice let alone care about. i feel so.. empty. 

the only time i dont feel empty is when i am around Alexis. 

is that really what my life has come to ?

all the finer points revolving around one person that is sure to hurt and/or leave me soon? 

how depressing.

maybe one day i will be able to go about myself. having no one care about the "whos, whats, wheres, and whys", oh no. dont get me wrong. having someone CARE is wonderful. however having someone judge you decision, and then feel they can take away said decision is mockingly horrific.

what am i to my mother ? other then "misguided" of course..

what am i to Alexis? other then a young girl falling too fast too soon.

what am i to my sister? other then an emotional outlet, even sometimes harsh, cruel and uncaring.

what am i at all other then a useless being disposing of such a life.

so as of now.. i will do my best to be involved in my studies.

do my best to do something with my life. i will try.. i will try to make something of myself. gain something from others.. i want to be.. i want to be something more then nothing.