HATE.

is a very strong word. No one really understands anymore how much words can really affect the people around you. Since being in this god foresaken state I've grown accustomed to the people around me. & So of course I would gain some of there peeves. Alexis Angel Hates my voice now. He says I talk like a white girl. I don't know what to do. I used to think that I loved Alexis Angel. With all my heart. I would do anything for him. But I've come to realize that I SHOULDN'T. I should NOT love him more than myself. I should not take him into consideration more than I take myself into consideration. For once, I WANT to be selfish. Is that so wrong.. Im sorry. I do love him. He knows that. And yet he's so blinded by his own selfish attitude that he's not even capable of stopping long enough to think "she must have a reason.." or "she must be as hurt as I am, right now" Of course I'm as hurt as he is ! I mean, we have been in the SAME relationship, right ? Im just sixteen years old. Can't I atleast try to be happy. Alex is in New Jersey. I am in Colorado. Scott is here in Colorado. Scott is what makes me happy. Alex stressed me out. Doesnt that make sense that dear Scott & I would be together.
Kreider is another story, but i refuse to get into that because Im in a good mood and I wouldnt want to ruin it -_-
Sometimes I think that everyone else feels that Im incapable of making up my own mind and sticking with whatever decision that is.
At first I didnt want to be here. But I just refuse now to go back to NJ and live with the mother that gave her children up for a year without a second thought about it. She changed my life and I won't ever forget that.
I think maybe I'm staying. Who knows?