YB, Tired and Waiting..

Its exactly 12AM as i type...
Its odd that my mind right now is blank.
Im watching Beautiful Mind again, and crying because of the truth behind the sadness. This movie is beautiful and Highly Recommended [[Review coming soon]] yes. i love it. Theres some stupid XMas commercial now...its annoying me. Its interrupted my crying with foolishness. Dont you ever want to vanish. like just freeze time so you could sit...and just do that for a while. I think thats why people sleep...To get away. But they're not doing anything with the time. they're just wasting it. Im pretty much an Insomniac. Dontsleep. The average persons spends 1/3 of their life sleeping. Not Me. i guess i get it from my mom...but she doesnt sleep because her body wont let her. I wont let my body. i like to sit their....& think of my life. Think of the good things in it. & Focus on every happy aspect in my life. Shouldnt everyone do that? Yes. Yes, we should. Beautiful Mind is back. Its so sad how his life is just wasted by what he's thinking is reality. & not even wasted in a good way. wasted in a way that makes him terrified of everyone and everything; constantly having to look over his shoulder...Maybe i'll take a nap soon but not for long. Its custody weekend & so im at my aunts. her living room is nice and big and makes mine look like a bathroom. Its nice. This house is my 2ND home. Barnes&Noble being my first. =]
Thats all for now...but...any other Insomniacs out there?

--YB, Tired and Waiting.

New

Yeah, so today J just shows up. Hmmm C spotted him like a month back & she said he looked well...actually better then well. She says he got taller too. :] I miss him. ALOT.But he already knows cause i told him & he misses me back. he misses me more then i miss him...or so he says. He's going out with this girl that he's only going out with because...well [[he says]] that she looks like me. AW. that was sweet & very nice, but also a LIE. yes ughhh. I asked him if we could meet up when he gets back down this way... :]
Still waiting for a reply.
i'd rather not see him, but i do care for his answer: its always nice to think some guy would travel 45minutes to see you.

More...?

Is it so hard to understand...that i might want something more.

More then...this?

Hmmmm i hope not... because then i would have to keep my mouth shut & stop complaining. Im so Tired. Tired of getting up 6 days out of 7 to go to school and pour myself over complicated theorems and ideas. Just so that i could grow up to work 5 days out of 7 to pay bills that wills always and forever be there. WHAT IS THIS? thats why everyone looks for a lover, i think. So they have something they can look forward to every morning, Something that makes you smile and think wow, somebody cares.. willingly.
Come on, i want more. friends are GR8...but do they understand you all of the time? No, Of course not, nobody does.
Family is GR8...but do they understand you all of the time? No, Of course not, nobody does.
When will anyone of us be understood?
If anyone wants to be understood dont stand around and LOOK for someone who will.

TIP:: understand yourself...

P.S.its getting easier for me to look in the mirror now.

-YB

North Carolina

Moving. Hmmm. My cousen K just invited me to move in with her. Im only 14 now. So that would mean sophmore through senior year with her.

Only one problem. She lives in North carolina, thats a good 11 hr. drive from where i am right now. @ school in NJ with my "friends" and my school. Here with my silly boy promblems, with the cold. Hmmm NC could be a good change for me. sunnier. happy...i could even play Soccer all year round. But then there's my mom. Hmm. in 7th & 8th Gr. my mom had threatened with sending me off (not to boarding school, silly b/c i begged her for that) to live with either K & my aunt...or my grandparents. Hm now she's saying "No. Where i go, you go." this woman is driving me insane. Ughh. She would have less mood swings if she was a bipolar temperament. Gr, idk what to do. i really want to try NC though...B doesnt want me to leave but i think she could do good here with her other friends..im sure. Kay's been begging me and i find her arguments are oddly winning over my futile disputes...i miss her. i mean my whole lifestyle would change and for the better. Live in NC on a military base would be GR8! i mean my neighborhood isnt terrible, but neither isnt the best. I've visited K b4...everything is so nice down there. theres a Cul De Sac like a block away where K would take me to SK8BOARD with some of her NC friends. The more i think about it...the more i want to go. Maybe luck will be on my side. Maybe i will get a chance to try things differently for once. i hope so. Hmmm just thinking about it sends vicarious thrills through me. im hyper and 4 some reason. my heart hurts...like its too big for my chest...

Is that bad...or good?

-YB

Mom

Sure imma TEEN.

But is that all my mother thinks of me...some bratty kid who thinks she's old enouph for people to actually listen & understand her...? I mean i know my mother tries...but how much? I mean...if she's trying as hard as she says she is...then shouldnt she get it already. I mean she's always saying "Look i understand you but..." UGHHHH. if she understands me so much...why is she able to walk around what ever i say. i mean this marking period...apparently my grades werent "up to par..." i got one A three B's and two C's...i mean i know the C's arent GR8 but its the first marking period...& i tol her i was FAILING 2 classes...i mean what if i did fail those classes? she would have threw a fit. & i've see HER report cards when she was young. Lets just say FFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
Ugh but W/E because im NOT competing with her...i just think she needs to remember when she was younger...She did so many things that are SO bad...
& me? i get 2 C's and she has an aneurism. UGHHHHH. & then im like "Ma, but some kids got lower than a 2.0 average."
"Dont worry about other kids...its YOU im worried about."
Half hour l8r....
"Why cant you make the Honor Roll like THOSE kids??"
FILTHY HIPOCRIT!!
But i love her.

HeartAche

My head aches and to top it off there's a throbbing above my right eye. My head feels like an over-tender Marshmallow on the skewer that is my body. It aches because of HIM. Because thinking of him makes me want to cry, yell, throw-up, and keep to myself forever all at once. Cry more than anything, but Keeping to myself is next on the list. I think about how he says my name in his Husky voice, and smiles when i yell at him because he thinks its cute when im angry because of my 4'11 height and angry pout. I think about the way he says he feels stronger for me than any other, I think about his other lies as well, but not as much as that one, Because thats the one that triggers all 4 of those emotions, the crying, the yelling, etc. He knows what he's doing. Im Positive, because of the angry phone calls, the "FORGET YOU!"s and "I HATE YOU"s. My tears and his guilt welded together to make our imperfect realtionship...thats "no more that just friends". My friends say "He's nothing. You deserve better". The guys say "you could do better off with some1 like..." i walk away before they say that stupid 2-letter word known as "ME". I say im over it, fake a smile, "im all better" "its nothing" and my personal favorite "Seriously...im over it." Then spend the night hugging my pillow and crying my heart out because he's wat i want. i cant change how i feel, i only wish he could. i wish i could hate him for the pain he's put me through. i wish i could hate him for Sharp-Edged lies he feeds me like Medicine. i wish i could hate him for hurting me. but as much as i wish,it wont happen because a part of me thinks of his fallacy as sincerity. i know he doesnt want me, i just wish he would. So many wishes go unanswered.
Most of all,I wish i could forget him...

Beowulf

I thought it was a good movie. C didnt like it at ALL though. it was 5 of us. uh Me, C, & friends from my old Elementary School D, JB, & J. NO one's dating anyone J & JB are friends only, i have enouph guy problems without help from them too. D's really cool i hadnt even noticed how much i missed her until we were at the movie just like all those other times, that are only blurred memories now.i recall a time when me & her had once considered each other "BESTFRIENDS" however that was before i discovered that friends dont come in bests like that for me... i sat between JB & D my arm hooked through hers just in case i needed something to hide behind.


BEOWULF
Personally, I liked the movie. The Graphics were better in some parts than in others...i'd have to say they were best during the Fighting scenes along with the Gory ones. It was rather interesting in the beginning, A little gory but intriguing. The middle was something different all together, it wasnt as exciting as the beginning, though it did give some background that the movie needed. The movie was pretty funny, it had that sarcastic humor i love [[& have myself]]. Then again some things were just funny because when you went back to think of them your like wow, WTH was that lol. yeah. the ending was rather TOO ironic for my taste, but what ever, you had to see it coming.I thought it was pretty good all around. More satisfying in someways, then others. Then agains my friends hated it... but i guess thats because there all still wearing their diapers.

Black Friday

OK. so yesterday was Black Friday, i ended waking up at 5 30 to go shopping with my C, her family & my mom. it was cool. caught some real good sales. not ALOT; but anyway, the point is, the whole time i was freezing my tired ass off while my C whose fourteen years old was hyper as a 4 year old at christmas. i did all the stupid things she wanted to do like go up the down escalator & down the up escalator while timid shoppers gave us the eye like "damn kids have no respect". Finally [after being told off by a large woman who C had nearly knocked over on her way to the bathroom] i got C to come with me to the food court [hoping against hope that this would calm her down] WRONG; yet again YB. She saw some really cute guys and ended up giving her phone # to some guy named Brian who apparently DIDNT believe in belts. yeppp. At around 10AM we ditched & called up my cousen who picked us up for some Breakfast at some King diner [[our moms met up with us there]] it was 14 of us all pushing table together loudly, joking aroung & stuff. W/E. i got a crappy Frenchtoast b/c every omelette had SOME form of meat in it; while C snickered away happily eating her chicken Tenders.

We moved on to the Mall where we could barely move because of shoppers and their bags so C decided to lean against the wall by the Theatre so she could shout "AYO!" to anyone who walked passed [[i enjoyed this part b/c i LOVE saying "AYO!!" ]] our family met up with MORE people [[if possible]] & we all drove up to some last minute party on 4th ave. C & i went back to my house to change, take a shower, [i napped while she was in] get pretty & stuff. we walked over back to 4th ave picked up some food, called D over & asked Julio if he could take us 5 teens to the movies [[back at the mall]] lol. he did we caught a 9 30 movie [[we watched BEOWULF!!]] & left around 11 i think getting back at the party 11 30 where my mom was a little tipsy. I woke up some hour l8r having fell asleep on JB's shoulder cuddling to a pillow on his arm. hes a real comfy guy! My mom finally thought it was time to leave. got home around 1. to find Richard home; Wray[[baby]] asleep in his room. My granparents watching some movie. Mel & i said goodnight went upstairs & knocked out on the bed only to wake up @ around 1PM today. yepp. long night.

Twilight

So i read this book Twilight because it was recommended to me by a friend. Its about this girl [[Bella Swan]] who falls head over heals for this guy [[Edward Cullen]] who she later finds out to be a vampire. yeaaaah, your thinking ew ANOTHER vampire book or wow i read something just like that last week. wrong. its not just ANY other vampire book [[and i KNOW books]] but believe it or not it really is a good book. it has everything. a little Mystery with some Romance & its not that they do it everyother day kind of book its just that innocent romantic sweet kind of thing that everyone wishes they could have [[if they DONT already]] yes. the book is Greater then Great. i recommend it to anyone. its just one of those books that no matter how many times you read it you get the same feel as the first time you read it. the same reacctions and feelings just like the first time. everything is FRESH and execiting. i LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. yepp. so whenever im feeling blue or upset. this book cheers me up b/c of its sweetness & sincerity. its even being compared to Romeo & Juliet b/c what their doing is SO WRONG. yet...so RIGHT. yeah. All in all; a really good book.

Happy Turkey Day!

Happy ThanksGiving! Hope ur all Thankful for the little things that most miss out on, i.e. Food, Clothes, Home, Internet. ;] Shockingly enouph I'am bored. soooo im gonna put down exactly WHAT im Thankful for...
im Thankful for my ears & eyes!
Mouth & Nose
Face & Neck
Fingers & Toes
Elbows & Knees
Arms & Teeth
Family & Internt

yeah. im a vegetarian so when u eat that turkey...just know that i wont be. Also note that that Bird was alive last month. It breathed, ate, slept, and drank...just like you & me.
its the thought that counts right?

Hello there!

Hey, My name is Yamile Bustos though I have many nicknames. A few of my close friends call me Em, Yami or just simple as Yamile.

i started a BLOG because I like writing and I need to vent sometimes, haha but idk anyone even with aa blog, so I'm gonna need some help.

I read way more then your average teenage girl and I dont just go to the teen section at Borders. I'm going to use this blog to post Reviews on everything from historial sites to movies and books. I'd also like to use this blog as an outlet that's something a little more sensible then 'Myspace' or 'Facebook'.

However, Id like to state that I'm not some 12 yr old looking 4 attention online. haha.

I go to a Performing Arts High School in NJ and I'm hoping to go to a college for visual arts.

Wish me luck.

BTW if anyone has blog any advice...i'D gladly take it