KMart

okay, soooooo get this.
now, i sit at my lunch table with usually about five [5] other people: LL, Em, Mariah, KR, and Sheemy OR Nacho.
i say Sheemy OR Nacho because my lame-oh ART school has a 2day schedule. not so lame- just dumb(:
mhm, but back to the point. Soo me being a sophmore and all most of those people are just like, female sophmores. besides Sheemy, whose this shovanistic pig of male senior whose under the impression me and him will one day smash. sure okay, whatever; mhm, but soo Nacho's LLs' little cousen, shes a freshman, and pretty quiet at that. KR's birthday is today sooo yesterday, Friday December 05, 2008 Em, Mariah, and I head straight over to Mariahs house because they all live in the same area sooo since we couldnt hit up KR's house until seven [7] we decided to kick back at Mariah's. Which was cool, btw, cause she just switched apartments and its basically all renovated. Now Lucky doesnt like when i go to Mariahs, and i totally understand why, its because she has an influence on me like no other, around her i do everything and anything.
one word: ILLEGAL.

i mean of course it shouldnt matter whose house i go to but i dont want to give myself anything to fear in life so i tell her we should hit up Em's soon. i say "Fear in Life" because i dont want to catch lung caner, i dont want to become an addict, nor do i want to drunkenly topple off of a roof.i also wouldnt like to give any reason for Alexis Angel to lose all hope in our relationship and abandon me like he should have/would have some time ago.
i know lucky has my well being at heart, so im glad i listen to him when i do.
Now this doesnt mean i do anything and everything he tells me to do OR ELSE, because Mariah and Em are under the impression that it does.
it simply means that i value and respect his opinion because i know he has my well being at heart. but anyway, enough about my boyfriend. more about FRIDAY.
so Mariah and i walk over to Em's where we practically fall asleep with boredom.
its okay thought because eventually we call KR and ask her if we can go over round five [5] and she says "sure, why not" so now we're outside her house, in the car with Em's mom, all our sleep over baggage in the trunk and KR says we cant come in, because shes not done cleaning.
we had a fit. but it was alright because then we went to KMart; which was awesome(:
They had the Guitar Hero WorldTour out for people to try it out and there were these two little boys one of which was around eleven [11] or twelve [12] the other one was around seven [7] or eightish [8]. Em figures we stand up behind them for a while they would get annoyed and move on to some other toy. which didnt really work out as planned because they didnt go far after they left. When they left though we started hustling over for parts which was kind of difficult due to the fact that Em's little brother bebo was there..
GR !
That kid kept talking to us in the car, only we didnt realize it. soo while one of us was explaining something to the other two bebo was getting all heated about how nobody listens to him, psh. well he should stop talking then, okay okay i'll stop cause that kids kinda cool.
but mhm, so now we're playing and this kid whose nice with the guitar [seven or eight year with these cute little glasses] asks me if i know who Brian Pasmino is. [i called this kid Brian Palamino the whole time because i was thinking ofhorse either and i figured it was a close call.. it was] so i say No, i dont know who Brian Palamino is and he says "PASMINO. he's a bully ! he says, he says he wants to beat me up and stick, stick my head ina ina toilet." i was outraged.
like WTF ?
why is this seven yr. old kid being bullied. so i ask him; i ask "is this kid bigger then you?" and he says, get this, NO. so i say ghee, why dont you sock that kid in the face, mannn. then the little boy asks me if i think boys who hit girls are punks, and i say "HELL YEAH !" and he laughs and says "thats what my big sister said.. "
My point:
i learned this little kids life in 10minutes.
and i dont even know his name(:

Twilight Movie Review

TWILIGHT.

okay so in order to watch this movie [ on the night it came out of course ]
i felt the need to walk into that theatre witha complete objective outlook thus not expecting a play-by-play of the book. of course not. if you read the book first, then the movie will never quench your thirst. However, that doesnt mean you wont like it.
i liked it.
the acting was amazing and there were a few disturbing unecessary details that i dislike but hey- theres no such thing as a perfect movie, right ?
the movie was directed well.. and i feel it couldve been better..
but not by very much.
im going to go see it again next weekend and afterwards i'll make sure to update(:

Readers,

hello !
Alexis and i have celebrated 2months together..
i know, your thinking 'ONLY', right ?
ughh, i mean i've had eyes only for him since like january, gheeze, and i have nothing to show for it... oh well; i just cant wait until i finally have this 'hunka' hunka' burnen love' for atleast 6months...
ooooh, a year would be even better.
no one thinks we'll last,
haha !
we'll prove them wrong, our love is undeniable, my age has nothing to do with the feelings going on inside of my body when he comes around.
i love him, i really do.

its utterly amazing how attracted i am to him, in every way.
physically, emotionally, etc. it feels absolutely amazing, and wonderful. i've never felt so stimulated / motivated to . . .
i have no words.
i know, i know, i know.
"words only" MY blog, and i have NO words at all,
sue me, sue me now, dear friends, for false advertising.
ahh well, this waqq ass post has come to an end, i promise next time for bigger and better.

my apologies,
YB

soo im back !

from the depths of hell [ upstate o.0 ] haha and DR. 

DR was nice.. i guess i could put up pictures later right ? yeah but im kinda being lazy now. 

upstate, was terrible. and predictable. whatever. 

my mother ? same as always. terrible mood, and completely ibjective to my boyfriend, :DDDD

does it matter ?

well to him it does, and i guess she could make things difficult. its whatever. 

i am completely in a mopey mood. i want something more. dont you ever get this empty feeling that your doing nothing with the one life that your given? dont you ever feel like theres something missing.. something more you could be doing rather then the same old routine of school, friends, and drama? really is this the most i will ever get out of my childhood. well excuse me because according to the state of NJ, entering highschool makes me a "young adult". well thats just great. 

ima young adult. 

which means i have less freedom then  i did when i was 12 because apparently in some far off unheard country "young adult" means "not to be trusted" o.0

i really dont get it. 

i cant play around with barbie dolls. no silly, i am too old for that. 

yet i am not old enough to go about my business, make my own mistakes. so many things just kill me on the inside.. they really do. 

i am at a loss for the meaning of life. 

what am i doing with the precious temple i call my body ?

nothing really. moping and whining. sinking into an oblivion that no one seems to notice let alone care about. i feel so.. empty. 

the only time i dont feel empty is when i am around Alexis. 

is that really what my life has come to ?

all the finer points revolving around one person that is sure to hurt and/or leave me soon? 

how depressing.

maybe one day i will be able to go about myself. having no one care about the "whos, whats, wheres, and whys", oh no. dont get me wrong. having someone CARE is wonderful. however having someone judge you decision, and then feel they can take away said decision is mockingly horrific.

what am i to my mother ? other then "misguided" of course..

what am i to Alexis? other then a young girl falling too fast too soon.

what am i to my sister? other then an emotional outlet, even sometimes harsh, cruel and uncaring.

what am i at all other then a useless being disposing of such a life.

so as of now.. i will do my best to be involved in my studies.

do my best to do something with my life. i will try.. i will try to make something of myself. gain something from others.. i want to be.. i want to be something more then nothing.

And today was cool..
aha.

"ishooturun" couldnt understand it till i was down on the ground. damnn that niqqa hada way of calmen me down.



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"she said 'it was just one of them nights' witha nod of her head. i knew she was talken about the drugs she took then, the liquor consumed, and the bodies under her bed. it tooka second to realize the bitch was just done. to many 'unforgettable' nights for her to remember just one."



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desmadugrados



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ohh shiiit.just finish watching Al diablos con los Guapos haha. and did u fucken knowww.. that mili y alejandro r like 30fucken years apart... ohh shiit. i taped eugenio's pictures to my bathroom wall for NUFFEN?? woo, mili's getten more action then 20year old playmates ;Dlove u kara



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look, we're not pirates and we dont have viruses.



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birthday present

So basically, im in the middle of nowhere. also know as masonvill, upstate NY. nothing like the wonderfully charming capital of the world New York. No no no. this is Hicksville, my dears.
okay. so a portion of every damn summer since i was about 8 years old, has been spent in this damned house. now.. i dont like this place.
and i have made that point very clear over the passed few years. pointedly refusing to get in the car on the trips here. but being dragged in on a number of occasions both emotionally and physically. Now. i asked my mother. no.. i pretty much begged the woman who gave birth to me some measley 15years ago to let me celebrate my birthday in wonderful NJ. she took my anger to account for once in her life and decided 'Sure, why not." i was ecstatic.

well surprise surprise, mummy had kept her word. the weekend before my wonderful date of birth my mother adorns me with the wonderful news that i will stay in new jersey for my birthday as promised.. i'll just be leaving the next morning is all.
Nice birthday present mom, thanks alot.

however, seeing as this news highly upsets her first born daughter, my mother calms me down with the promise that i will remain only two weeks.

whatever.

that brings me.. here.
i havent been here two weeks and i feel both physicall and mentally ill. my allergies are going to kill me out in the end, im sure. i've taken about 3benadryls which have YET to kick in. and my eyes itch to a point where if i rubbed them any more, the swelling would do permanent damage. my nose has not only been stuffy. but constantly bleeding for some irksome reason that i am highly unsure of. along with all of this i have gone into mope mode. which means i have spent the passed 12days locked up in the confines of the room they have spared me. rereading harry potter books and staring at an odd stain on the ceiling. or the unders of the quilt. i get up only for purposes that recquire a kitchen or bathroom. i feel dreadful. however, that is not the icing on the cake my dear friends, because the icing on the cake is this...
i am here under supervision that im sure prisoners deserve and/or recquire because my dearest grandparents are under the impression that the jersey life style is no life style for a boy-crazed teen. hah! beat that, nontheless eat it, for it is the icing on the cake.
Hmm, it feels wonderful to know that one tiny mistake has gotten me here to this place i dread so. yes one minor flaw in my utterly wonderful plan. had they not seen a 17year old stuf muffin outside my friends house at the party that she was holding while i stuck my head in the car to kiss him, i would probably not be in this predicament. ahh all is fair in love and war, right? however that applies here in its own sick way i am unsure of, but it is the only reason i have yet to stab myself in the leg with a fork. because seeing as the elderly of my family are under the mild impression that new jersey will bring nothing to me but sex, drugs, and gang banging males i am watched over by hawks. constantly interrogated on who i am speaking with and the biography of that person..
oh yes wait..

sorry. they were asking whether i was speaking to anybody. well..honestly, everytime i pick up a phone it is the same questions, unless my answer however varies from. 'a friend, no you dont know her, yes it is a her, get away from me please.' then a new wave of inquisition springs up and i am .. well here.i like my home.. i like seeing people besides the ones i am living with. i have seen nobody. i have done nothing. i have enjoyed no time being here. i dislike this place with such gusto i feel that only drugs can help my subconcious to stray from the idea of burning the damn place down. i fear for my sanity..
oh yes, my friends, there is more.
mummy dearest called the other day. and i asked her at what time she would care to pick me up, she was unsure.. because the 9th was far enough away for her not to care.
wait. the ninth? are you kidding me? i was under the strict impression that i would be leaving the second as promised. but no.. she pushed that promise away from me rather smoothly saying she had promised her parents she would stay for that weekend. that specific weekend. that weekend that would leave me here a week extra, so that i can become even more depressed.
i want to go home, even if in that house that i call home dwells the very reason i am here.

Some new songs I'm in to right now..

paolo nutini - new shoes
global deejays - get up
out hud - how long

Yeah I would listen if I were you. The Out Hud song is all Alex's haha.